No One to Turn To
Ever since I can remember, there has been a thought in my mind that I have never gotten to say out loud. And that is this: children of immigrants are often the first in their families to accomplish certain goals, and for the most part without any guidance from their families and sometimes without the support of their families. They often do not have resources available to them, yet through hard work, navigating through information, asking questions, testing things, and taking risks, sometimes they reach their dreams. This journey is a difficult one, to say the least.
Children of immigrants often do not have resources at their disposal but they are resourceful.
Experiences
As a child of immigrants, I was the first in my family to go away to college after high school. It was such a frightening experience because we have always been a tight knit family. However, I had no one to turn to for advice. Neither my parents nor siblings had gone away to college. Although one of my sisters was going to college, she was still living at home. I had so many questions. What would living in a dorm be like? How would I take the bus from my dorm to campus? What would it feel like to take a class in a large lecture hall? I had doubts. Would I be able to do this?
I also had no one to go to for help if I had questions about what classes to take, what to major in, how to do my homework, how to fill out my FAFSA application and how to apply for student loans, etc. I learned all of it by myself. By researching. By doing. By making mistakes. By taking risks. By asking tough questions. You might think, “But there are counselors who can help you with these.” Sure, there are. When you are a shy young adult, who has never had to do any of this before, the step towards asking questions is a big hurdle. There is always this fear of asking stupid questions (there are none by the way. Thank you to my high school English teacher, Dr. Fuller, who always repeated this in class). I also feared failing because 1) I was getting financial aid and if I failed, oh-oh; and 2) Would I bring shame to my family? They sacrificed so much by immigrating to this country. I had to succeed. This is why they moved here. To give me the opportunities they never had.
While some children of immigrants also have to deal with little to no support from their families because of the career path they choose, I was lucky that my parents trusted me to pick something I was passionate about. And when I decided to become an ESL Instructor, my parents were super proud of their daughter working towards her Master’s degree. I was the first one in my family to get a Master’s. And yet again, I had no one to turn to figure out how to write a conference proposal and how to make myself stand out. There was always this hidden curriculum that I was not aware of. It was through the encouragement and help from my professor, Dr. Kamhi-Stein, that I learned how to write conference proposals and how to be assertive.
Again, I learned a lot by researching, doing, making mistakes, taking risks and asking tough questions. I found some of the resources I needed. Not an easy task by any means. I learned to be resourceful because I had to be. Otherwise, I would fail. Can you imagine going on a journey with your eyes closed? This is how it feels sometimes: walking in the darkness. Even if my parents couldn’t provide the resources I needed while they were trying find their way through as immigrants in this country, they did teach me a lot through example by gifting me with resilience and perseverance. Though this is the case, the journey is still anxiety ridden. I always wondered why and how some students knew about certain information that I did not. Was I stupid? Of course, as an adult and as an educator myself now, I know that that isn’t the case. The systems in place sometimes hold people back. What I define as success for me, was possible through grit, luck, mentors and my resourcefulness. Without the guidance from my mentors and without being lucky enough to meet them, I do not know where I would be today.
I do chose to see our resourcefulness as a superpower. We understand how much work it takes to reach out goals. Therefore, we understand what the necessary steps are to help those in need. We know what questions are not answered so we try to provide the answers to those in need.
Poetry
I have written a poem about being a first generation college student. However, I am not yet ready to share this poem with you. Why, you may ask?
My goal is to publish a poetry book about the experiences of children of immigrants such as myself to give a voice to and empower multicultural and multilingual individuals. It has been a lifelong dream of mine. Therefore, I have submitted the poem for publication to multiple magazines and cannot publish it here.
I want to share this journey with you. I do not have all the resources I need to make this dream a reality, but I am doing everything in my power to learn more. The first step is breaking my ultimate goal into different steps. I wrote them down on my board.
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I am also:
researching. I read several books before starting this blog. I have joined a poetry club and attended poetry readings and workshops. I read poetry. I listen to podcasts about publishing (my favorite is called Hungry Authors). I subscribe to newsletters and follow people who share information about how to get an agent, write a proposal, etc. I am going to attend a workshop on how to submit to poetry magazines.
doing. I am always writing poetry. I carry a notebook with me at all times and if I do not have that around, I write in the Notes app on my phone. I have been guests on podcasts. I have interviewed other children of immigrants. I have started this Substack. I have started an Instagram page. I am submitting my poetry to different magazines, especially ones that emphasize BIPOC voices. I am reaching out to individuals to do guest blogs.
making mistakes and taking risks. I have reached out to people, seeking to collaborate with them and sometimes get no responses sometimes. I have failed to have include important information in my submissions because I was not careful enough.
asking tough questions. This journey started because I asked a question and was referred to Ariel Curry, who is an editor, ghostwriter, and coach, who then referred me to my coach, Dr. Meredith Hite Estevez. She has guided me to ask myself tough questions and get to the answers myself.
I want to repeat: While I believe that it is a gift that children of immigrants are resourceful, it also shows how hidden rules, criteria, rubrics etc are unknown to the underprivileged but common knowledge to the privileged. It shows how the road to success is so much harder for children of immigrants with its curves and hills.
I am happy and proud to say that now, there are organizations that assist with helping children of immigrants such as Immigreatness. I am also happy that there are individuals such as Ariel Curry and her cohost Liz Morrow, who are trying to demystify the publishing industry. I love how conference proposals have rubrics to guide you as well.
Information should not be hidden. It should be common knowledge. Access to information should be available to everyone in order to give everyone an equitable opportunity to succeed.
Reflection
What is something that you were the first one in your family to do?
Did you have the resources you needed whenever you started something new?
Did you have anyone to speak with or ask help from?
What were some things your parents taught you?
Would you describe yourself as resourceful?
Key Takeaways
Children of immigrants often do not have resources at their disposal but they are resourceful.
They learn by researching, doing, making mistakes, taking risks and asking tough questions.
Even if their parents couldn’t provide the resources their children needed while they were were trying find their way through as immigrants in this country, they do teach them a lot through example by gifting them with resilience and perseverance.
Nonetheless, this journey sometimes makes children of immigrants question their intelligence and brings about anxiety.
Even if children of immigrants succeed, the road to success is 10x harder.
Children of immigrants benefit from having mentors who can guide them.
It is important to create access to information so that everyone has equitable opportunities to succeed.
I struggled in school because I wanted to learn and a lot of students didn’t as much. I had some good classes though. It really was in college and grad school where I could really grow, especially on my own. It had helped me as I’ve grown as an indie author. I get that pressure of doing my best. Some of it comes more from me than my family. But it makes me realize that it has made me resourceful. So inspired by you too. Amazing newsletter!